Where to get married
A complicated choice
Now that we’re done with wedding dates, announcements and invitations, we shall tackle a very delicate topic (where to get married), one with strict (yet often naively interpreted) rules.
Pursuant to one of the most basic rules, the couple should get married where the bride’s family is from. So, for instance, if the groom is from New York and the bride is from Rome, the wedding will take place in Rome. If, however, the bride’s family owns an estate outside of Rome, no problem at all: the wedding will take place there and all expenses will be borne by her family. The rule says that the groom’s family should not contribute to any wedding-related expense.
As a matter of fact, it’s often not easy to comply to this rule, for many reasons.
But let’s proceed step by step, with some examples.
If it’s the groom’s family to own an appropriate venue for the wedding, then the rule may be broken and the event, together with its reception, will take place at the groom’s family’s. Good manners dictate that the bride’s family should offer to pay for all expenses, but the groom’s family should not accept, thereby bearing the whole burden (that, by the way, often includes some out-of-control amounts due to some last-minute brilliant ideas).
Should both families be from the same place (ex. Rome and Rome) and none of them own any property that might be appropriate for a wedding, then the couple (the bride, really) shall decide where and how their event should be held. It being understood that the bride’s family should be the one bearing all expenses, even though, in such cases, the two families may decide to split the bill.
Should the newlyweds decide to take care of everything without their families’ involvement, then they will find an agreement between themselves, no matter what the rules say.
Choosing a venue is not easy: the bride will want to go for an original place, one where she hasn’t yet gone to for another wedding. And finding a “virgin” place can be quite complicated (she will surely subject the groom to countless trips and excursions until she gets the inspiration she’s been looking for). For example, trying to find a place near the families’ residencies will be considered only by those who will want a wedding with lots of invitees.
By and large, the most sought-after type of venue is the historical mansion; even better if located in the midst of some beautiful Italian hills.
Even non-Italians often choose places on the soft Italian hills to frame their most beautiful day. On the one hand, if you’re not Italian, your choice may be even more difficult; on the other hand, you’re supposedly unconstrained as far as rules and families are concerned.
Indeed, if you come from far away, you’re probably unable to spend too much time going around to visit places and villages here in Italy and you might end up deciding based on how popular a certain place is in your country. That’s why non-Italian couples typically pick one of two places: Tuscany or Lake Como. Granted, these are stunning places, unique and full of charm; but there are thousands of other less known but equally charming locations all over the country that are much harder to find if you’re not from here.
Should you decide to go for an historical mansion, then there’s plenty of choice: from North to South, all you’d have to do is throw a dart at a map of the country, blindfolded, and you’d surely pick a great location to exclusively reserve for your dream wedding. Most of all, you’d have an original one (like this one below!)
Allow me to recommend a region that I have close to my heart, maybe because I’m originally from there, despite having lived almost all my life somewhere else: the Marches.
A dream place in Central Italy, and poorly known by most people, this region has unique views and spots of beauty. Especially its Southern portion, for centuries under the Papal States’ control, hosts ancient mansions of great value on its soft hills. Many of these have even a private chapel within the property, as in times past the feudatories’ families were used to celebrate religious rites on-premise.
And this, by the way, is a very important detail for those who wish to celebrate religious roman catholic weddings as, otherwise, they would have to find a church that is free on the day of their scheduled wedding and then they would have to organize the transfer of all invitees to the mansion where the reception will be held. If you have a chapel in the property, everything can take place right there, from beginning to end. Additionally, in some of these mansions, a separate large and beautiful room is made available to the bride to get ready: usually, the make-up artist, the hairstylist and whoever has been designated to pick up the dress from the tailor’s shop will all make sure to be present in this room, waiting for the bride, who then will initiate her transformation and come down the steps of a marvelous staircase by her father’s (or other relative’s in his stead) arm, to go to the private chapel. And everything else thereafter: a cocktail in a portion of the garden, lunch or dinner in a different portion – maybe an imperial table among the oaks in the woods (there’s always a wood) – and, finally, the cutting of the cake on the lawn of a beautiful Italian-style garden.
At the end of wedding day, many couples even decide to spend the night there. As these mansions are usually owned by families that make them available for these types of event (and therefore are not hotels), and depending on the affinity and the type of relationship that has been created between the owners and the couple, the owners might decide to grant the couple the liberty to occupy a wing of the property for their first night.
Who could ask for anything more original?
The Marches is deemed by many respected sources as one of the most beautiful places in the world, yet, once again, little known to most.
Here are some articles that describe these places in a less biased way than I would do!
“The best destinations, journeys and sustainable travel experiences for the year ahead”
So, did you go to Google Maps yet?
Until next Sunday.